The things that never get easier…

Lots of things in life don’t make sense. Some of it you get used to and some of it you just never will.

I hate it when there aren’t any words. It feels like I’m trapped- keeping all of my well wishes, and good intentions and love all to myself because I don’t have words to express those thoughts.

I’d like to believe that I almost always have the words.

The past couple weeks have held a lot a death and passing on and grief for Bob and I. Whether it was someone from memory lane, or an extension of someone we know and love so we felt the pain and shock through them, or most recently someone Bob worked with every day for years. Of course this is in addition to watching the recent tragedies on the evening news. It hasn’t been an easy few weeks.

Each time, there really aren’t any words.

But where words fail me, I realize action takes their place.

When there aren’t words, I hug my kids a little tighter, I soak up their conversations a little more, I watch them play or laugh or just be themselves and I dwell there.

When I don’t have words, I am a little more patient, I am more considerate. I hold doors open a little longer for someone behind me, I swap with the person behind me in line. I pick up a coffee tab for someone at the gas station.

When I don’t know what to say, I reflect. I take a long shower or stand outside in the fresh air and notice how warm and alive I feel. And I take time to appreciate that.

I hug. I cry. I smile. I intentionally connect with other people. I look up more and I pray.

I go back to all of the moments I had taken for granted and give thanks that there will be more. Though now different.

I resolve myself to notice more, appreciate more, live in the moment more (if only for a little while).

Grieving sucks. Life has some really hard times, some really sad times and some “bordering desperate” times. I can recall some of my worst and lowest points like they just happened yesterday. Experiencing this is part of what makes us human.

Friends, make no mistake YOU are here for a purpose. There is good reason to look around right now and be so thankful. Take a deep breath.

You are here. And that is all you need to be. With or without the right relationships, the right amount of money, or the ideal circumstances. Being alive is enough. Just breathing means you can make new decisions, you can begin new dreams, and you can inspire others to have hope. Some days just breathing is what gets you through.

You can grieve and you can love- with or without the words.


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